The Deconstruction of Porn
by Rinne
Summary: Dean, it could have been worse you could have walked in on Dad...Dude, you have the worst luck ever. Spoilers for a particular scene in 2.04, NO WINCEST


Title: The Deconstruction of Porn

Rating: High Teen

Genre: Gen, with some implied het

Warnings: Discussions of a sexual nature

Notes: absolutely NO wincest

Spoilers: 2.04 Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and am not being paid

A/N: Huge thank you to lunardreamed and freelance for the beta. And yes, I can't believe I wrote this.

Summary: Dean, it could have been worse; you could have walked in on Dad...You walked in on Dad watching porn?

"Dean, it could have been worse; you could have walked in on Dad." Sam laughed and looked out the side window. "_That_ would have been awkward."

There was silence from the other person in the Impala and when Sam turned back to Dean, it was to find him staring almost ferociously ahead, like he was trying to ignore what Sam said. "You didn't! You walked in on Dad watching porn?" Sam couldn't control the grin that filled his voice. "Dude, you have the worst luck _ever_."

"Shut up, Sam." Sam swore that Dean's lips hadn't moved, as his jaw was clenched so tightly shut.

"Seriously, Dean, Dad watched porn?"

Sex was probably number one on the list of top ten things that Sam really didn't want to know about his parents or, more particularly, his father. His dad had never really volunteered much information about his mom anyway, so the chance that he'd hear about their sexcapades was pretty low. As far as he was concerned, he and Dean were either immaculate conceptions or adopted, because his parents did not have sex. However, he couldn't help feeling a little sick curiosity, or resist a chance to needle Dean, particularly given how screwed up things had been. A little bit of normality was what Dean needed.

"He was a guy, Sam," Dean finally said. "We all have...urges."

Which was something that Dean had tried to gross him out with by going into excruciating detail every so often, until Sam had gone into details about some of his exploits with Jess. Dean hadn't liked being on the receiving end of "things my brother got up to" and had finally gotten the idea that, even though you knew your brother was doing it, that was all you wanted to know. Sam was just disappointed that he hadn't thought of that tactic before leaving home. But then, Dean would probably never have believed him anyway.

"Yes, but you walked in on Dad watching porn. _Dad_."

Dean shrugged. "Well, in his defence, I'd said that I wasn't going to be home until morning. I'd hooked up with this hot little check-out girl - oh, man, her legs went on forever and the way that she could bend..."

"Dean." Sam glared at him when he glanced over.

"Sorry." He flashed Sam a quick smile. "Anyway, she hadn't told me that she had a boyfriend and, when he heard about our date, he brought along some extra friends."

"Ouch." Sam winced in sympathy. It had only happened on occasion and, while Dean could hold his own against one or two guys, up the numbers to three or four and even Dean was going to come off worse for wear. It had been one of the few bones of contention between Dean and their dad, mainly because it might have meant the difference between a hunt going perfectly and something going wrong because Dean was a little beat up.

"So, I get back to the motel, walk in and head straight to the bathroom with my hand over my bloody nose, thinking that Dad will follow me, and then I hear _moaning_."

Sam couldn't help it; he giggled.

"I backtracked out of the bathroom and there's Dad sitting on the bed clutching a pillow to his lap with a mortified look on his face. Fully dressed, mind you. What's with you and Dad; don't you know how to watch porn?"

Sam remained silent at that comment, not wanting to give Dean any further fuel for his fire.

"Anyway, while he was fixing up my cuts, Dad sort of apologised and explained that he has _needs_." The last word came out wobbly as Dean started laughing and Sam joined in, imagining the look on his father's face. "I couldn't help it, I laughed. And that's when he decided to tell me that Mom was the most flexible woman he ever met, other than a waitress in Ohio, and that I wasn't the first member of this family to christen the Impala."

"Dean!" Sam wanted to put his hands over his ears. "_Dude!_ Too much information!"

Dean turned to look at him. "How do you think I felt? If my brain has to be scarred by this, so does yours. I swear, he had this evil look in his eye, like he was taking so much _joy_ in the fact that he was making me freak out. I don't think he'd forgiven me for _that time_."

Sam knew which _that time_ Dean was referring to: the time when Dean was just a little too drunk after a night out with a girl and started giving both his Dad and his brother all the details, including exactly how many times he'd gotten to home base and in what positions. Usually their Dad was yelling at Sam, but that night Dean had gotten a roasting. He had never mentioned details of his sex life in their Dad's presence again.

"So, I guess we weren't the second coming."

Dean flashed him a quick grin. "Or adopted. At least, you weren't. You apparently were conceived _in_ the Impala and hell, for all we know, you were the second _coming_." Sam rolled his eyes at the bad pun. "However, me being adopted would explain why I know how to watch porn and you and Dad don't. And I mean, dude, we can't be related; you didn't even seem that into it. You didn't even need a pillow."

Sam sighed and looked down before speaking quietly. "Jess liked porn."

"Ah."

It wasn't that it was too much information really - especially considering some of the monologues that Dean had forced him to listen to over the years - but it killed the conversation, as things about Jess still tended to do. So much for Sam trying to give Dean some normality.

"Wow, that's pretty rare. On the whole, chicks don't like porn." Dean's voice was serious, respectful of Sam's feelings. Dean cleared his throat. "One day you'll be able to watch porn and think about Jess without it dampening the mood." Dean looked over to Sam. "And that sounded much better in my head."

Sam couldn't help it, he let out a slightly hysterical laugh. "At least you didn't say, 'Jess would want you to watch porn, Sam, and enjoy it.'"

Dean grinned. "I did think about it, but it seemed a little..." He waved a hand expansively in the air.

Sam shook his head. "Dude, can we never mention this conversation ever again?"

"What conversation?" Dean quickly said.

"Thank you." Sam shook his head and went back to looking out the side window. The car filled with the sound of Metallica as Dean pushed a tape in to the deck and Sam soon heard the tapping on the steering wheel that usually accompanied it. It hadn't even made the top three on the "screwed up conversations the Winchesters have had" list, but he thought that it had cleared the air a little, even if it was just for a little while.

"So, what sort of porn did Jess like? Girl on girl, guy on guy, threesomes?"

Sam closed his eyes and hit his head against the side window. Sometimes he wished that Dean _was_ adopted.

"What?"


End file.
